maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
