I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
