spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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