girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
