You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
