Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
