gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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