please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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