Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
