I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
