The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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