He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
