i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
