I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
