dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
