Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think i peed on brittanys purse
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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