My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Alive.
So much puke
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
