Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i think i have two assholes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
