u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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