dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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