where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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