I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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