i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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