he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
