Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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