Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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