I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
