my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
