You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
