what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
