Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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