sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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