Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
