This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
