Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
