No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
