chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
