My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
