And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
