that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
