I just threw up on my dentist
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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