i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
