I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
