so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
