I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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