There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
