i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
