I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
