my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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