Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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