Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
