I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
