WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
