he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
