That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
