Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
