I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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