May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
