You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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