So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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